It's Been Awhile....

I have been so busy with life these days that I haven't got around to any personal blogs lately. I started my crafting blog and when I have a little free time I have been crafting and trying to update 3 City Creations but I would still very much like to keep up with my personal blog so here we go!

Savanna Update:
After Austin's birthday party on the 12th of June we ended up taking Savanna to Phoenix Childrens Hospital because her eating refusal had hit an all time high and we were getting worried. She was down to 17 ounces a day when we took her in. Surprisingly she was not dehydrated and the ER wanted to send us on our way as usual. Well I fnally decided to listen to my pediatrician and stand up and be firm. Well it got me somewhere! After telling the condensed version of Savannas history and that even though she seemed fine on the outside I believed there was a problem and her symptoms were NOT normal. They came back after about 30 minutes and told us they has decided to admit her to the main hospital! YIPPEE!!! So condensed version is we ended up staying 9 days and they ran tons of tests.....all of them came back NEGATIVE!!! What?!?!?!? I was blown away, now please dont misunderstand me I dont want there to be something wrong with my baby but the fact stands that her body is telling us there IS something wrong and I just want to know what it is. So we left the care of the hospital with Savanna on an NG feeding tube to give her continuous feeds throughout the night to supplement her daily intake and being told that there is something wrong with her but they dont know what and only time will tell when she developes other symptoms or with any luck one day she wakes up fine and has grown out of whatever it is. Since being back nothing has really changed, she has still had her good days and bad days and has been a bit crankier the last week. I was finally able to get a dirty diaper in to her pediatrician and they tested it for blood and that came back positive which I already knew since I had been trying to tell people this for awhile now. They ordered more stool cultures to see if she has an paracites, bacterial infections or if there was fat in her stools and so far they have come back negative. On Friday she will be going to the hospital for a sweat test for Cystic Fibrosis. She is not a classic fit but we are at the end of our rope and she does fit the major symptom of mass mucus production as she has had it in her diapers for the last 4 months and vomits it. At this point I am afraid I will finally have an answer but I dont want it to be that one and even more so I am afraid if it isn't that could it be something worse? This is just the crappiest situation and I hope for my baby to be healthy soon!

Other than the stress of Savannas issues life has been good. We had a wonderful 4th of July get together at Sonyas this last weekend and then relaxed all day and watched movies on the 4th. Brooklynn is doing great in dance class and made the Allstar dance team at her studio! That means that she will dance in recitals, events and compete as well. I am so proud of my baby girl! Only down side is that I now spend 6 hours a week at the studio not to mention tons of money :) Austin is still refusing to speak but is amazingly good at communicating without words. He also loves to dance and copy his big sister, it is quite cute to watch. As for Marty he has had a job offer that is basically his dreams come true and we are just waiting on a call to see if he got it or not. I will be so darn happy if he does and I know he will be ecstatic as it will open many doors for him. He will be working from 2:00pm - 12:00am though but hey we will get used to it and may even like it. Whew! I think that is all for now, thanks if you made it this far :)




Savanna with the horse Andrea gave her

Savanna looking so sad after getting her tube

Savanna saying Bye Bye to Andrea

Austin on his birthday

Brooklynn modeling an outift I made

3 City Creations

I just wanted to jot down a quick blog letting everyone know I finally started a blog for my crafting! I am so excited to be sharing my crafty-ness with everyone! Why have another blog when I have this one you might be thinking? Simply because this is a more private blog to share whatever I may need to get out about life where as my craft blog will be available to the entire public in hopes of inspiring others the way I have been inspired! Please visit and follow my blog at:

This is so hard....

As I sit here crying for what seems like the millionth time this month I thought it might help to write. I think I almost cried 6-10 times today alone.... I felt foolish so many things just made me want to cry. Sitting at the hospital just looking at my beautiful baby girl as we waited for her test, holding her as she screamed at the top of her lungs from hunger awaiting her test, seeing the other sad parents who had real reasons to be sad at the PICU as we exited the hospital, holding Savanna as she cried for 2.5-3 hours straight and refused to eat tonight, researching reflux online and the list goes on and on! I swear just thinking about Savanna these days makes me cry. I can't even make it through a whole sentence right now because there are just so many tears and something about crying my heart out feels so good. I cry for Savanna, I cry for me, I cry for Brooklynn and Austin, I cry for Marty and I cry for Nana. I dont even feel human most of the time these days, I dont sleep well, I dont eat well, I'm always tired and grumpy and it's not fair to my other children or husband. My house is a wreck and that only makes me feel even worse....I just feel like everything is crumbling around me....it's horrible. I hate that I can't fix Savanna, I hate my weakness and need for help from Nana all the time, I hate that I dont get answers, I hate that I dont have anytime with my other kids anymore and that they resent their own sister because of the attention she needs, I hate that my house is dirty, I hate that my relationship suffers and I either dont go to bed when everyone else does or when I do I pass out from sheer exhaustion. Most of all I hate who and what I have become from my inability to cope with it all. I want to be a good mom and wife again and I want my baby healthy. I want answers so I can stop feeling like it must be me and something I am doing wrong with her. Every test that comes back negative is so great and so awful at the same time! I feel guilty when I am disappointed with a negative test because one more thing it isn't has been ruled out and there isn't much more to rule out.....WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER AND WHAT AM I DOING SO WRONG???

I felt like we were finally getting answers and she was going to see a new GI and then all of a sudden right before her appointment she starts to do better, not great just better. The new GI and most other people besides my pediatrician dont seem to take me seriously because she is always so happy at appointments. The GI said we would test for some things and of course the tests were normal so we just had a check up to see how she was gaining and keeping with the previous week she was fine at her appointment and even though the timing was a bit bad for finally getting better I finally gave into thinking she was going to get better even though I knew better and sure enough tonight she launches into a good ole fit! I think to myself there is no way a baby should have to live like this there must be something wrong with her. Well to top off my night I start to really research reflux and more specifically GERD which Savanna has only to find out that yes, it could be nothing but reflux and yes, she very well may have to live like this! I suppose it feels good to know I am not alone and the things I am going through and feeling are normal but it makes for a bleak future....

Here is a link to a very imformative site for Reflux that covers all aspects of the disease
http://reflux.org/

What Makes Me Happy....

Last month I took a second shot at doing a photo session of all 3 of my kids. The first one was kinda a nightmare during which Austin threw my 50mm lens down the stairs and Brooklynn threw a huge fit. I swore not to ever attempt a session with them again :)

As usual that didn't last long before I was planning another attempt. I thought I had it all figured out this time:

1. Plan pose ahead of time
2. Make it QUICK
3. Pose on table so Austin can't runaway
4. If steps 1-3 fail just take single shots

Well so much for all that because in the end I didn't use a table as there was not one readily available for carrying upstairs, I was NOT QUICK and posing went nowhere. Austin absolutely refuses to sit and look at a camera....I mean ABSOLUTELY REFUSES! I didn't want to use food as a bribe as he normally gets dirty and only wants more, more, more but I also gave into that and used some Kixs placed behind Savanna so he would sit still.....no worky! In the end I got ONE shot of all 3 kids that was digitally manufactured but I will take what I can get :)

This is what makes it all worth while...

Pictures are so important to me and even though it is a pain to get them sometimes I feel like it is so important to preserve these memories of certain times. Already I look back at pictures of Brooklynn when she was a baby and I think sometimes "WOW I dont remember her looking like that!" or "Ohhhhh, I remember when that happened" and it is so great to relive the memories of those times!

Late Night Thoughts

Well I am up late, or early depending on how you look at it, as usual working away and thought I would write up a new post. I am working on redoing my photography website and updating my portfolio to attract my new target clients but really it is too late for such mental work. I did good at first picking out new images but then when it came time to re-edit some I ended up farting around and doing useless things in my effort to put off doing the hard work of editing when my brain is just not into it....and that is how I got here :) I am uselessly surfing the net and listening to infomercials playing in Marty's and my room that get really annoying! Really I am amazed at how much of my tv I take in while I am sitting here on the computer doing other things. Late night tv really stinks..... at least the channel Marty falls asleep too does. I believe I ramble and bounce around with my thoughts when I am this tired but I dont feel like going to sleep because I want to savor the quiet time I have to myself even though I really just need to go to bed.

I just remembered that I have to set my alarm and get up tomorrow to buy tickets to Brooklynns recital so I better be off to bed now so I can get good tickets!

Easter Goodness!

Well, I had a very very nice Easter this year! Saturday night Nana, Uncle Jared and Aunt Christy came over to dye eggs with us. We ended up getting really into our egg decorating, I mean we busted out the hot glue gun, ribbon, markers, stickers and more. We all made some really great and cute eggs! I have to say it was really great spending a holiday with my brother and mom and everything feeling normal after so many years! Dont get me wrong I enjoyed everyone but this my brother being around and good is new :) We had a very nice day Easter Sunday as well, we had a very good turnout about 17 adults and 4 kiddies.....yeah we need more kids in this family. The food was delicious and the company was great. Sarah and Chris came over a little early and we got to enjoy some quieter time with Tucker here before they had to leave. Little Tucker is a cuite pie but doesn't like to be held right now....hopefully he has a change of heart on that soon. The kids loved hunting for the eggs and loved everything the Easter Bunny brought them....in fact Brooklynn in her usual style spent the day changing outfits into all her new stuff. All in all it was a super holiday weekend!!

Tired but Worth It :)

I was just thinking about how tired I am and then I always realise how worth it it is these days :) Not only is it worth it because I am getting to be Mom to 3 wonderful little rugrats and Wife to 1 AMAZING man but I am working in some ME time, which aint easy. I kinda miss going to bed when everyone else in the house does but I got to tell ya there is something to staying up alone and actually getting things done. It's quiet all over the house I can concentrate and I know that whatever I am doing I get to fully devote myself since no one will be waking up or interupting me. I have been stayin up until 2:00am these days and then getting up in the early morning with Savanna and some days I go back to sleep and some days like today I just go ahead and stay up even though I will be sooooo TIRED by tonight but again this is my other time to sneak in a little ME time and man do I find myself taking advantage of that these days! This is my time to sit down check my e-mail and actually get through a cup of coffee (most days I toss my half drank cup out around 4:00pm :( ) as well as sew or craft and clean on days when I am really feelin jiggy with it!

On a side note I am expecting Savannas first test results back today and I am a little nervous! I want answers but I am afraid of them being the ones we dont want :( Wish us good luck!